Creepers and Crazies and Cops, Oh My

As luck and fate would have it, the corner of the classroom I have claimed as my own happens to have fallen in beside the company of a handful of Police Academy-bound people, taking classes here so they do not have to take them there. Every day, I sit in my corner and listen to them talk about the requirements needed to succeed as a policeman. This is significantly more interesting than the NCLEX hopefuls of my Chemistry class of last semester. Nursing students learn how people work, so they can fix them. Police students, on the other hand, learn how to break them.

Skinny little thing that I am, I sit quietly and listen as they talk about the five-mile runs and shooting practices and boxing and beating-people-about-the-head-and-neck-with-sticks classes, and feel remarkably protected and safe. Because, you see, I type up their notes for them. So they won't let anything happen to me.

I want to invite Bus Stop Creeper to class and sit him down amongst my Academy people. I think it would serve him a good lesson. These are the sorts of people I currently associate with, Bus Stop Creeper. They are all of them larger than you. Even the women.So please stop cornering me at the bus stop to tell me how beautiful I smell.

By the way, gentlemen readers (or lady readers who are that way inclined), telling them that they smell "beautiful, just beautiful, I just wanna...I don't know what...do you mind if I tell you how beautiful you smell?"  IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO GET GIRLS TO LIKE YOU.  That is, in fact, precisely what you do NOT want to say. Note that down. In ink. In the little book of How To Get Girls To Like You. Do you have one of those?

I do.

It consists of the words, DO NOT TELL GIRLS THEY SMELL BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY AT THE BUS STOP, written over and over and over again. There may be a DO NOT BACK THEM INTO CORNERS and CHECK TO SEE IF THEY'RE MARRIED FIRST FOR HEDGEHOG'S SAKE thrown in there for good measure.

Actually, I probably could write a book about how to get girls to like you, but I'm worried that I'd get confused halfway through and accidentally write a book about how to get Susies to like you. Considering that I am a pest, an annoyance and a general torment to the people I like, I'm not sure how well that book would sell. The disclaimer alone would be fifty pages. (Please do not spindle your Susie. Susies do not play well with others. Do not leave your Susie alone with alcoholic beverages. Caffeine intake must be monitored very carefully. Warning: this Susie is subject to military law and under certain circumstances may explode. Do not be alarmed if your Susie starts to trash your house; this behavior is normal and is not a sign of Susie  breakage.You can use this Susie as a flotation device, but may sustain some damage in the process.)

Oop, gotta go. I promise a more organized blog post at some point. I'm rather enjoying random babbling right now.