It would appear that the category of Human Being Subsets Who Hit On Susie has to be expanded. It used to be Crazy People! and now it's Crazy People! and Bus Drivers!  This is, I feel it should be mentioned, not a decision made lightly. The Crazy People! do not like sharing, after all. They do not want to have to compete for my very reluctant, forced-polite attentions, not with anything. Not with my clear lack of interest, not with my husband, not with reality or the voices in their heads or the governmental signals beamed directly into their medulla oblongatas, and certainly not with bus drivers.

Bus drivers are, after all, authority figures. Yes, even to the guy who thinks he's Jesus. Which brings to mind a religious query: if Jesus were reborn, would he have to take the bus everywhere? I bet he would. 

But I digress. 

Today's Bus Driver! encounter is what fuels my choice to include Bus Drivers! in the august company of People Who Hit On Me. "Zeeeee-wow!" he shouted when I got onto the bus. "I do like me a redhead!" 

What does one say to something like that? "Thanks," I said. It was the best I could come up with, considering that at the time I was mentally adding 'Zeeeeee-wow!' onto the List Of Things That Need To Be Added To Daily Vernacular. 

Can I just mention that I have a terribly long list of Lists? Because I do. 

The bus driver continued his attempts to win my affections with a long, wandering story about a girl he liked in high school who he never had the courage to actively court, only to discover years later that she A: had always been of the opinion that he was the cat's meow, B: would have said yes had he only said something dammit, and C: is married now, and not to him, so he has sworn to ask out every redhead he has met ever since then, just in case. 

"Man," I said at the conclusion of the story, "you got yourself a problem with married redheads, you do." Ringfinger waggling commenced.

Unperturbed, the bus driver carried on in his ongoing campaign to overthrow my heart. This would have been much less irritating were it not for the fact that I was trying to read at the time; there is nothing that heightens the chances of my trying to rip your ears off using nothing but a spoon and sheer persistence than talking to me when I'm trying to read. 

And then I started sneezing. "God bless you!" said the woman sitting next to me, then "God bless you!" and "God bless you!" again, then finally, "Goodness, you must be allergic to something!" 

The bus driver looked up. "Sheeeee's al-ler-gic to loooooooove!" he crowed across the bus, and I don't know if anyone had any response to that aside from mine, because hysterical laughter tends to distract one's focus a bit. 

So, yes. Crazy People! and Bus Drivers! 

Also, you folks should be able to comment now. EVEN YOU ANONYMOUSES, ISN'T THAT EXCITING.